11:56 AM

You ever been doubting about yourself? Thats what I have been doing for a couple weeks now, I will not make this post sad and despressive because thats not how those weeks were, those weeks were just different. I made come back posts over this blog for like three times in last few weeks why? because I freaking love writing and creating, I love to be here, to be able to speak out loud, to show you my story, my pictures.

During every moment that you see on those photos above I always had back in my head, "not good enough" it's freaking painful and I really hold my tears now to not cry at the front of computer and Rudi when I write this. Don't get me wrong I'm not depressed,or childish I'm not quiting and turining back from my art direction I write this post because maybe now there is a girl like me reading this post and thinking same about herself, maybe she have same thaughts and doubts and this post will not make her feel better but will make her feel not that alone.

The point is that I had to stop to write and create to focus on me and realise where is my problem. I love my life. there are moments when I'm sad or dissapointed with life but in general I love to live and be able to experience but every moment I capture, evey moment I share post or whatever, I feel like not good enough. I'm sitting at the front of my computer or scroll my phone everyday , and I'm just overwhelmed of style, creativity and image of other bloggers or youtubers, O appriciate art in every aspect and creators for their work and style, and for being able to love it enough to share it without doubt and being proud of it, and I'm freaking jealous of those.

I never arrived to point in my work when I loved it so much that I almost blow away, I never reached moment when I just felt myself, when I just said "this is me, this is my style". You can't imagine how painful it is to see your work, three or more years of your life and hating it so much, and putting yourself with other creators and finishing with thought that you are not good enaugh to compare to them.

It cost me a lot to post this and it's really hurt to admit for me but I feel like, if I don't do it I will think this way over and over again and that's not how it should work. I have support in lot's of poeple, people who like what I do, how always have something good to say about me, and I never appriciated or belived in this as much as I should. I'm at point where I'm trying to figure out myself and became more confident. One thing is clear I will never be able to copy anybody, I will never be able to recreate whet others do and what I found out that I love about their work, the thing is I can try to get inspiration from them and try to make it as good as possible, the way I can do and try to reach point when I will be proud of my work and I will try to like it.

Remember what you see in internet, it was alredy created by somebody, and anybody else want to see it recopied we all are looking for new things, your style and you are unique, use it the way you can and show what you have, that's what I'm going to do and hopefuly one day I will write here that I reached my goals.


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